fantasy and reality

I spent years pining for you and look where it got me! I'm very unstable and filled with miserable thoughts. I thought I've forgotten you but oh NO, you still managed to creep all the way into my head. You goddamn son of a bitch. Let me clear something up, I'm not malfunctioning and still acting as a normal person do. I just frustrate over myself that why does it still haunts me so much. Theses few days I found myself stalking you over the internet and this little incident is very unhealthy and absorbs me with nothing left. You brought me to life. You made changes in me. You captivated me. You were the one and only that made me feel complete. And now,  screw you .

每一分，每一秒， 你，常常在我的脑袋出现。 关于你的记忆，都不停的重复，重复，重复再重复。 就在那时后，我告诉我自己， 原来，我还是无法忘记你， 忘记你的声音， 忘记你的笑容， 忘记你的样貌， 忘记你的眼神。 你是否知道吗? 我每一次遇见你的时候， 心里就一直跟我讲， ‘把握这次机会啦，美珍！’ 结果呢，连一个字都讲不出来。 失败的我，永远说不出那四个子出来。 (我觉得我的名字要改成为’失败之美珍‘ 啦) 当你慢慢从我的视线消失后， 我真的很希望你可以转过头来说， ‘我也一样，都再想你。’ 你是否知道吗? 想起当天， 当我知道你转不到来我班读书， 眼泪就慢慢的流下。 那时后，我的心情真的很低落。 一个笑容也无法露出来。 你是否知道吗?

I'm afraid that I'm going to faint soon. Probably the headline will be, 'Girl fainted from rush of adrenaline and mix of oxytocin' Yup. I think I like someone. I am in deep troubleeee.

There's always comes a hard time to look for your soul mate. You might be thinking he is doing a job across your place or you thought she is the one who smiles at you everyday at the cafe but apparently it's just because the 'smile' is a necessity for a waitress. If you ask me, I would say I've been looking everywhere since my high school because that was the time where all the hormones and the urges came alive. Teenagers is the most rebellious stage, sadly. I got through the five year of high school and still, no sign of any true love never dies but there was a love at first sight, so, I deserve a pat on my back and a congratulation speech. Everyone needs love. Everyone craves for love. Because, without love, they would be a person with nothing but hollow inside their bodies. Even if it means paying money to get some love, they would do it. We shouldn't really blaming them tho. It's only because human nature. If we should be blaming, we should just blam...

I'm sorry if I don't update most often because I usually just update the status of my life by twitter, facebook and my personal blog in my phone. shhhhhhh Hello everyone. i'm assuming there's someone reading here. if there's none, never mind. if there's you, thank you for reading. ;) It's like two months already since the first post of this blog. I can't believe that I left this blog unattended for too long. TWO FREAKING MONTHS. That's very long dude. It's not I was very very busy, it's just that I've no idea and not feeling wanted to write at here. And I don't want to post pictures here because I don't like to. I don't want my face or my friends or everyone that related to me posted at here. I'm not feeling secure to do that, basically. That's why I intend to let this blog to become like one of those diaries. Word diaries. Like the Carrie Diaries. i miss that show. tell me why that got cancelled. I've no ide...

1.53 a.m. This is the exact time this post started to be written. I noted this down here just to let you know that I'm wide awake because of the Johnlock fanfics and also a darn delicious coffee. This post marked as the first here. Well, not actually first if you considered I've written a lot on this blog long before I make this open to public again. What changed my mind, you'd say? I always wanted to share my thoughts to everyone around me and it just takes a longer time for me to make a comeback ever since the end of high school.  Apart of the first thing here, right now I'm getting ready for my next paper on Wednesday. This paper is going to be hella tough because first, that old bloke could not get me interested in the subject, second, this subject is interesting yet hard to do. I mean when you can get much gist around in your head, you can do the questions but if you don't, you are deaded. You might noticed of the slang and some terms from Sherlock. Pard...